You are three thousand miles from home.
Three thousand miles from the past twenty years of your life. And all those many miles away from the people you have always known, the ones who have always loved you and the friends who have never left you.
And here you are. There is only you in this vast land called ‘elsewhere’, the place your friends call ‘not here’ and where your mum wishes she could be; with you.
You have lived alone before. You have traveled half way across the world before. None of this is new but still you feel the fear. You feel the need to grasp on to anything. Yes, you are having fun, yes, it’s an incredible adventure, and yes, you are experiencing amazing things. But you know; you must survive. You must figure things out alone. You must comfort yourself and teach yourself and discipline your ways.
You realize that discipline is the key to your survival. Without it, you will lose friends and lovers; leaving yourself ever more alone with a broken heart in a foreign land. Without it, you will fail in education and leave this country with nothing but D’s to your name and self-doubt in your abilities. Without discipline you will gain weight, you will get ill, you will alienate the people at home, and you will miss out on all the many things you wanted to do in your new country.
Without discipline you will neglect to record your time here.
You are three thousand miles from home and now you are the parent. You must scorn and praise and love yourself. You must be the educator, the support system, the permanent friend.