March 2014

Everything Always Changes

Anyone who knows us will be aware that Erik and I are no longer together.

Three weeks have passed since we ended our relationship.

Life has not been easy. Breaking up is painful and nauseating. It’s one of those moments in life when you can feel your dreams concave inside of you.

I’m not going to pretend that things are better now or easier or that the pain is any less fresh. I can still feel my stitched-up wounds tearing and stretching when I laugh and move and talk and breathe.

On that Sunday afternoon, I was forced to watch as a piece of my world broke off and shattered in front of me.

If there is one thing I have learned from life it is that you cannot will your innocence to return once it has left you.

Now there is just me. One individual. Just Jill. And there is no going back. No wishing to change the past or unlearn and un-see what you have seen. This is life. And it is a beautiful thing.

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The hurt and grief and sadness, they all remind me that I am alive. I am living and feeling and doing and being.

I am not sheltering myself from emotions. And that is a beautiful, courageous thing to be proud of. I am strong and Erik is strong. We both know that we have learned from this emotional chapter in our lives. We are stronger from having known each other and learning from each other and understanding what it means to love another human.

I met Erik on the bus today. We talked for the first time since the breakup. And it was good.

On saying goodbye, we held each other for a while. Then I walked down my street and he walked down his. After a moment, we both looked back at one another and smiled.

Love Jill

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One thought on “Everything Always Changes

  1. Hi Jill, Even through the pain of a breakup, you are never alone. You have family and friends caring and praying for you! You are a gifted writer, and grown so much from the little 4 year old girl Sandy and I met which seems like a lifetime ago. Hope you enjoy your time with your Mom when she arrives…. Cal and Sandy

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